I'd Hate To Be A Fish Because I Couldn't Drink Or Smoke Cigs Tee

The I'd Hate To Be A Fish Because I Couldn't Drink Or Smoke Cigs tee from Unethical Threads is peak barstool reasoning committed to cotton. A man considers the fish lifestyle, finds exactly two dealbreakers, and delivers his verdict like it settles something.

Who actually wears this?

People who've said something exactly this stupid out loud and meant every word of it.

The guy staring at the fish tank at a bar for twenty minutes, forming opinions. Your friend who ranks every hypothetical existence against whether he can still do his two favorite things. If you've ever watched someone arrive at a take this bad with this much confidence, the shirt already belongs to you.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't disintegrate the first time you wash it
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're making a point, not auditioning for a catalog
• DTG printed so the text stays sharp and doesn't crack, peel, or ghost on you
• Available in black or white

Does this work as a gift?

Absolutely. If you know someone who has ever formed an opinion this strong about something this irrelevant, hand it over.

This is the shirt you buy when you see it and one person immediately comes to mind. No occasion required. If they look at it and don't laugh, you've learned something important about them.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable no matter how you're built.

Will the print crack or fade?

No. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash it normally and it holds up.

What colors is it available in?

Black or white. Two options, both clean.

Is this going to offend anyone?

Doubtful. It's more puzzling than offensive. If someone gets upset about a hypothetical man's hypothetical fish problems, that's on them.

How should I wash this?

Inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. Standard procedure for anything you want to keep looking right.