If Dicks Could Fly Your Mouth Would Be An Airport Tee

The If Dicks Could Fly Your Mouth Would Be An Airport Tee from Unethical Threads is the comeback shirt your loudest friend doesn't know they need yet. A front-print roast for anyone whose mouth runs like a runway with no closing time. Cruel, funny, and completely earned.

Who actually needs this shirt?

Anyone who has a friend that treats silence like a personal insult.

You know the one. They've never had an unspoken thought, they retell the same story to the same people who were there when it happened, and they somehow always have more to say. This is the shirt you wear around them, and they'll either get the hint or (more likely) talk about it for twenty minutes.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through suggestion of one
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, because loud friends come in every size
• Crew neck, because you're making a statement with the words, not the neckline
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that stays sharp and doesn't fade on you
• Machine washable, though given who you're buying this for, that's optimistic

Does this actually work as a gift?

Yes. This is the gift for the friend everyone loves but nobody can get a word in around.

Works for birthdays, Secret Santa, or just a casual act of war at brunch. Fair warning: they will wear it, they will think it's about someone else, and they will bring it up constantly, which is sort of the whole problem.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt shrink?

It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Follow the care instructions and it holds its shape. Ignore them and that's between you and the dryer.

Is the text on the front or back?

Front. Big, clear, impossible to miss. Just like the person you're buying it for.

What sizes do you carry?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit.

Will this offend people?

Almost certainly. It's a shirt about someone who talks too much, not a motivational poster. Read the room, or don't.

How should I wash this?

Turn it inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. The DTG print holds up well if you don't treat your laundry like a combat sport.