I'll Serve Crack Before I Serve This Country Tee

The I'll Serve Crack Before I Serve This Country tee is for anyone who looked at the options and picked the one with better hours. An Unethical Threads original, printed on heavyweight cotton that feels as committed to comfort as you are to your life choices.

Who actually wears this?

Everyone who laughed before they finished reading the shirt. Veterans who get the joke, civilians who wish they'd thought of it, and your friend who collects shirts that make HR nervous.

This one crosses every demographic in ways that would confuse a marketing team. It sells in red states and blue states equally. We stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a gas station tissue paper situation
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because V-necks are a choice and we didn't make it
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay put no matter how many times you wash it
• Pre-shrunk, because nobody needs that kind of betrayal on laundry day

Is this actually a good gift?

If you have to ask, it's not for the person you're thinking of right now. But the person who just popped into your head while you were reading the title? Yeah, get them one.

This is the shirt people open at the party and immediately put on over what they're already wearing. It pairs well with bad decisions and a complete lack of interest in career advice.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt actually offensive?

That depends entirely on your audience. We think it's hilarious. Your recruiter might disagree.

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print fade or crack?

No. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.

Can I return it if someone gets mad at me for wearing it?

No. We support your life choices, but that one's on you.

Is this a political shirt?

It's a funny shirt. Whatever politics you read into it is your business.