I'm Fat Because Everytime I Fuck Your Dad He Pours Bacon Grease Down My Throat Tee

The I’m Fat Because Everytime I Fuck Your Dad He Pours Bacon Grease Down My Throat Tee from Unethical Threads is a text-only graphic tee that escalates from self-deprecating to completely unhinged in five stacked lines. Available in black or white, it’s the comeback nobody asked for, printed on heavyweight cotton nobody deserves.

Who actually wears this?

People who’ve given up on subtlety as a communication strategy.

The kind of person who answers "how’d you gain weight?" with a sentence that makes the asker wish they’d stayed quiet. You’re the one at the cookout whose shirt gets read out loud, involuntarily, by everyone within six feet. You already own at least two shirts that have gotten you uninvited from something. This is your third.

• Heavyweight cotton that survives every wash and every confrontation
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL
• Crewneck with DTG print for color that sticks around longer than your good judgment
• Available in black or white (your dad doesn’t get a say)
• Five lines of text. Zero graphics. Maximum damage.

Is this a good gift?

It’s the perfect gift for someone who claims they "don’t get offended."

Then you get to test that theory. Works for birthdays, White Elephant, or any occasion where you want to be remembered and possibly uninvited from the next gathering. If you’re buying it for yourself, you don’t need permission. You already know.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

It’s a unisex relaxed fit, so yes. Check the size chart if you’re between sizes. Available in S through 4XL.

What colors does this come in?

Black or white. Pick whichever matches your willingness to be seen in public.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. DTG printed directly onto the fabric, so the text isn’t going anywhere. The shirt will outlast the friendships it ruins.

Is this going to offend people?

Yes. If you’re looking for something subtle, you’re on the wrong website.

Can I wear this in public?

You can. Whether you should is between you and whatever’s left of your reputation.