I've Been Offered Drugs And Alcohol More Than Hugs Tee

The I've Been Offered Drugs And Alcohol More Than Hugs tee from Unethical Threads is a deadpan confession on heavyweight cotton, available in black or white. It hits because the math is real. Somewhere between dark humor and a cry for help, this is the most honest shirt in your closet.

Who actually wears this?

People who have done the accounting on their own life and didn't love the results.

This is recovery humor, introvert humor, and party humor all in one sarcastic shirt. The kind you wear to brunch when someone asks how you're doing and you'd rather just point at your chest. It works because it's specific enough to feel like a confession but vague enough that everyone reading it does their own mental tally.

• Heavyweight cotton that can survive your questionable decisions and a hot dryer
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck (no collar drama here)
• DTG printed so the text stays sharp long after your memory of last weekend doesn't
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gift?

If you know someone who'd laugh at this instead of calling a therapist, yes.

It's a strong pick for the emotionally unavailable friend, the coworker who overshares at happy hour, or the person in your life who has genuinely received more shots than hugs. Pair it with a bottle of something or an actual embrace. Dealer's choice.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?

Sizes S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everyone.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not heat-pressed on top. The design stays sharp and actually gets softer with every wash.

Is this appropriate to wear in public?

Technically, yes. Socially, that depends on your audience. Most people laugh. Some will want to hug you out of sympathy.

Does this come in other colors?

Black or white. Two options, no overthinking required.