Lap Dances $5 Tee

The Lap Dances $5 Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like: a walking price list nobody asked for. Available in black or white, it advertises services at a rate so low it's either a joke or the worst business model ever conceived.

Who Actually Wears This?

Bachelor parties. That's the obvious answer.

But also the friend who shows up to brunch wearing something that makes the whole table reconsider the invite list. It's gag-gift territory on paper, but the people who buy the Lap Dances $5 Tee for themselves are the ones you actually want at the party. If you have to ask whether you can pull it off, you probably can't.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after three washes (important when your shirt says what this one says)
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because a V-neck on this particular shirt would send a very different message
• DTG printed for color that doesn't crack, peel, or fade into plausible deniability
• Available in black or white

Is This a Good Gift?

It's the best gift if you know your audience, and a terrible idea if you don't.

Bachelor parties, white elephant exchanges, birthdays for the friend who treats shame like a suggestion. The Lap Dances $5 Tee lands hardest when you give it to someone who will actually wear it in public without flinching. If the recipient blushes easily, maybe grab them a candle instead.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the Lap Dances $5 Tee come in?

Unisex sizing from S to 4XL. Check the size chart for your best fit.

Will the print crack or fade?

No. DTG printing means the colors stay put. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it.

Is this shirt appropriate for work?

Depends where you work. If your HR department has a sense of humor, maybe. If they don't, absolutely not.

What colors does this come in?

Black or white. Two options, both good.

Is this a good bachelor party shirt?

It was practically designed for bachelor parties. Also solid for anyone who just enjoys making people mildly uncomfortable in grocery stores.