My Body Is A Machine That Turns D*cks Into Sucked D*cks Tee (BACKPRINT)

The My Body Is A Machine That Turns D*cks Into Sucked D*cks tee is a back-printed resume nobody asked for. Big text between the shoulder blades, zero subtlety. Unethical Threads at our most useful.

Who actually wears this?

People who are aggressively honest about their talents.

Look, if you've made it this far into the product page, you already know whether this shirt is for you. The design lives on the back, which means you're not even the one who has to read it. Everyone walking behind you is. That's the real power move.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like an actual shirt, not a dryer sheet with a neck hole
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because some things don't need reinventing
• DTG print for color that stays put wash after wash
• Back print design, so the joke lands on everyone behind you

Does this work as a gift?

If you know them well enough, it's the best gift you'll ever give.

Get this for someone who has to be told to lower their voice in restaurants. Someone whose group chat would make a therapist quit. If they've ever been asked to leave a family function early, wrap this up for their birthday.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the design on the front or back of the shirt?

The design is printed on the back. The front is blank. Your face does the talking up front, the shirt handles things from behind.

What sizes does this come in?

Sizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit.

Will this shirt shrink?

It's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it holds its shape.

Can I wear this to work?

That depends entirely on where you work and how much you value continued employment.

Does the print fade after washing?

The DTG print holds up well. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it keeps its color.