My Body Is A Machine That Turns D*cks Into Sucked D*cks Tee

The My Body Is A Machine That Turns D*cks Into Sucked D*cks Tee from Unethical Threads says exactly what you think it says. A text-only front-print graphic tee that puts your most marketable skill right on your chest. Black or white, heavyweight cotton, zero subtlety.

Who actually wears this?

Honestly? People who are very good at one specific thing and want the world to know it.

This shirt doesn't hint. It doesn't wink. It reads MY BODY IS A MACHINE THAT TURNS DICKS INTO SUCKED DICKS across the front in plain text, and that kind of energy attracts a very particular type of person. You're either buying this for yourself because you've earned it, or you're buying it for someone who definitely has. Either way, you know exactly what you're doing.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck (pairs well with shamelessness)
• DTG print for lasting color that doesn't crack or fade into a mystery after ten washes
• Available in black or white

Is this actually a good gift?

It's a phenomenal gift if you know your audience.

This is the kind of present that gets unwrapped and either causes an immediate standing ovation or a very long, uncomfortable silence. There is no middle ground. If your recipient would laugh at this over drinks, they'll love wearing it. If you have to wonder whether they'd be offended, they absolutely will be. Send it anyway.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?
S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone who wants to make this particular announcement.

Will the print fade after washing?
The DTG print holds up well. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it handles regular washing without cracking or fading.

Is this shirt actually that vulgar?
Yes. The front reads MY BODY IS A MACHINE THAT TURNS DICKS INTO SUCKED DICKS. There are no hidden meanings. There is no subtext.

What color options are available?
Black and white. The design works on both because the text does all the heavy lifting.

Can I wear this in public?
Legally, yes. Socially, that depends entirely on where you live and how fast you can run.