My Body Is A Machine That Turns Toes Into Sucked Toes Tee

The My Body Is A Machine That Turns Toes Into Sucked Toes tee from Unethical Threads is a foot-fetish confession disguised as an engineering spec. The meme format does the heavy lifting. Your browser history already knows, and now so does everyone at brunch.

Who actually wears this?

People who don't blush. Toe enthusiasts, gag-gift snipers, and anyone who thinks subtlety is overrated.

This shirt doesn't wink at the joke, it is the joke. You're not sneaking anything past anyone, and that's the entire point. Wear it to a barbecue, a first date, or your therapist's office.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck (classic, reliable, not trying too hard)
• DTG printed for color that survives the wash cycle and your life choices
• Available in black or white, because even degenerates get options

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes. This is the gift that says "I know you" in the most alarming way possible.

Perfect for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or anyone who has made their preferences a little too public. If you're shopping for someone with a sense of humor about themselves, you just found it.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?

Sizes S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone.

Is this shirt good quality?

Heavyweight cotton with DTG printing. The colors hold up through plenty of washes.

Will this shirt offend people?

Almost certainly. That's sort of the point. Know your audience, or don't.

What colors does this come in?

Black or white. Pick your fighter.

Is this a good gag gift?

One of the best. If someone in your life has a toe thing, this is the gift that says you've been paying attention.