My Retirement Plan Is A Parlay Tee

The My Retirement Plan Is A Parlay Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who looked at a 401k, looked at the Sunday slate, and made the obvious choice. Block lettering on heavyweight cotton. Available in black or white.

Who actually wears this?

People who treat the group chat like a financial advisory board.

If your idea of diversification is spreading your action across three different sports, this is your uniform. You've heard of index funds. You understand compound interest. You simply believe your model is better. The My Retirement Plan Is A Parlay Tee is the dress code for anyone whose savings strategy resets every Sunday.

• Heavyweight cotton that can handle the emotional weight of your investment strategy
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're not an animal
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the color lasts longer than your financial plan
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gift?

It's a great gift for anyone whose retirement plan makes their parents nervous.

Works for birthdays, holidays, Father's Day, or as a very honest Secret Santa pick. If someone in your life has ever referred to a bet slip as a "portfolio," you already know what to get them. Pairs well with unsolicited opinions about point spreads at Thanksgiving dinner.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable across the board.

Will this shirt shrink?

It's heavyweight cotton. Follow the care label and it holds up. Cold wash, tumble dry low.

Is the print going to crack or peel?

No. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it.

What colors does it come in?

Black or white. Pick whichever matches your level of optimism about retirement.

Is this an actual retirement plan?

No. But you already knew that, and you're still here. We respect the commitment.