*NEW* Call Me Goldilocks Three Bears Tee

The Call Me Goldilocks Three Bears Tee from Unethical Threads is a fairy tale retelling your parents definitely didn't read you at bedtime. "Cause I'm About To Try All 3" printed across your chest says everything it needs to. If you know, you know.

Who's actually buying this?

People who peaked in group chats. The ones whose friends screenshot their texts and send them around.

If your humor runs hot enough that you've been asked to "tone it down" at a family dinner, this shirt was designed for you. It's the kind of joke that separates the fun table from the kids' table at every gathering.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a translucent napkin
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck because some things don't need reinventing
• DTG printed so the design stays vivid wash after wash, no cracking, no peeling
• Pairs well with poor decisions and good stories

Is this a good gift?

It's an incredible gift if you want to find out how well someone really knows you.

Send it to the friend who already gets it and you're a legend. Send it to the wrong person and you might get a concerned text from their mom. Either way, memorable.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does the Goldilocks shirt actually say?

The full text reads "Call Me Goldilocks Cause I'm About To Try All 3." It's a spin on the fairy tale. You can figure out the rest.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Does the print fade or crack?

No. The design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.

Is this appropriate for work?

That depends entirely on where you work. If your boss has a sense of humor, maybe. If you work in HR, absolutely not.

Will this shrink?

Minimal shrinkage with proper care. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it'll keep its shape.