*NEW* I Would Break A Baby's Bones Diet Coke Tee

The I Would Break A Baby's Bones Diet Coke Tee is Unethical Threads putting your most unhinged intrusive thought on heavyweight cotton. If your Diet Coke habit stopped being a preference and started being a whole identity crisis, this is the shirt that says what your friends already know about you.

Who's actually buying this?

People who've made Diet Coke their entire personality and aren't even a little sorry about it.

The kind of person who has a ranking system for fountain versus canned versus bottled. The one whose coworkers know not to speak to them before the first crack of a silver can. You already know if this is you. You probably have three in your bag right now.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't finish
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (your Diet Coke bloat is safe with us)
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes like your last situationship
• Pre-shrunk, because life has enough unpleasant surprises

Is this a good gift?

It's the best gift for anyone who has ever described Diet Coke as "my emotional support beverage."

Look, finding a gift for someone whose main hobby is a carbonated drink is actually hard. This solves it. They'll wear it, they'll get comments, and they'll finally feel seen in a way that a 12-pack from Costco never quite achieved.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the Diet Coke tee come in?
S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everybody.

Will the print fade after washing?
No. DTG printing locks the design into the fabric. Wash it normally and the colors stay put.

Is this actually heavyweight cotton?
Yes. It has real substance without feeling stiff. Softens up after a few washes but keeps its shape.

Is this shirt going to offend people?
Probably. But the kind of people who get offended by a Diet Coke joke were never going to be fun at your party anyway.