*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Alani Nu Tee

Unethical Threads made the I Would Dropkick A Child For Alani Nu tee because some of you have a relationship with energy drinks that borders on criminal. If your daily Alani is non-negotiable and your sense of humor is questionable, this is the shirt you didn't know you needed.

Who actually wears this?

People who've built their entire personality around Alani Nu and aren't even a little sorry about it. The gym crowd, the "don't talk to me until I've had my Cosmic Stardust" crowd, your coworker who has a dedicated mini fridge shelf. If you've ever described an energy drink flavor as "life-changing" with a straight face, congratulations, you're the target audience.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin from a boardwalk gift shop
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because Alani devotion comes in every size
• Classic crew neck. Nothing weird going on up top.
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds its color wash after wash. The joke stays visible.
• Pre-shrunk, so it fits the same after laundry day as it did when you impulse-bought it at 2 AM

Is this actually a good gift?

Absolutely. If someone in your life has ever posted an Alani haul on their Instagram story, this is their shirt. Birthday, holiday, random Tuesday, it works for all of them. Sizes run S to 4XL so you don't have to guess and get it wrong.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt actually about dropkicking children?

No. It's about loving Alani Nu to an irrational, hyperbolic degree. The violence is imaginary. The energy drink obsession is very real.

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.

Will the print fade after washing?

Nope. DTG printing locks the design into the fabric. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and the print stays sharp.

Can I wear this to the gym?

You can and you should. Especially if your gym has an Alani vending machine. That's called commitment to the brand.

What if someone gets offended?

Some people will get the joke. Some won't. You're not wearing this shirt for the second group.