I Would Dropkick A Child For A Ben And Jerry's Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Ben And Jerry's tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. This is for people who know Half Baked is worth catching a charge over. Heavyweight cotton, DTG printed, completely serious about ice cream priorities.

Who Actually Wears This?

People who've been personally victimized by Phish Food at 2 AM and are tired of pretending they have boundaries.

You wear this to the grocery store, to a party, or on the couch where you're already three pints deep. It's a lifestyle confession, not a fashion choice. If your freezer has ever held more Ben and Jerry's than actual food, this is your uniform.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a neck hole
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL, because ice cream doesn't discriminate and neither do we
• Classic crew neck (the neckline of people who eat ice cream for dinner)
• DTG printed so the colors stay vivid long after you've forgotten your dignity
• Pre-shrunk, because the only thing shrinking should be your willpower at the frozen aisle

Is This a Good Gift?

It's the best gift.

Nothing says "I know exactly who you are as a person" like handing someone a shirt about dropkicking children for ice cream. Works for birthdays, holidays, or any occasion where you want to be permanently remembered. Fair warning: your friendship will peak the moment they open the box.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but the relaxed cut is pretty forgiving.

Will this shrink in the wash?

It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it stays the same size. Unlike your self-control around ice cream.

How long does the print last?

The DTG print is built into the fabric, not sitting on top of it. It holds up without cracking or fading.

Is this actually offensive?

That depends on how someone feels about ice cream priorities. Most people laugh. The ones who don't were probably going to be disappointed in you anyway.

How fast does it ship?

Most orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. Printed when you order, so it's made fresh, like your commitment to questionable decisions.