*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pepsi Max Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pepsi Max tee from Unethical Threads is for the kind of person who ranks carbonated beverages above basic human decency. If your loyalty to Pepsi Max has ever made someone genuinely concerned for your wellbeing, this is your uniform.

Who actually wears this?

People who have strong opinions about aspartame blends and weak impulse control. The kind of friend who shows up to a barbecue already wearing something that makes the host sigh.

You already know if this is you. If you're buying it for someone else, you're either their best friend or their worst influence. Either way, you're doing important work.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't feel like a paper bag from a gas station
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, we see you, big soda energy)
• Classic crew neck because we're unhinged, not experimental
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds color through every questionable wash cycle
• Pre-shrunk so it fits the same after laundry day as it did when you impulse-bought it at 2 AM

Will this offend someone?

Yes. That's kind of the whole thing.

If you're worried about offending people, you're probably on the wrong website. Unethical Threads exists for the people who think the line is more of a suggestion. Wear it to the grocery store. Wear it to family dinner. Watch your aunt process it in real time.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt actually about Pepsi Max?

It's about loving Pepsi Max more than you love social norms. The dropkicking is metaphorical. Probably.

What sizes does this come in?

Unisex sizes S through 4XL. Relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable without looking like a tent.

Will the print fade after washing?

DTG printing locks the ink into the fabric. Follow basic wash instructions (cold water, inside out) and it stays sharp.

Is this a good gift?

If the person you're buying for has ever said something deeply inappropriate in public and meant every word, yes. Perfect gift.

How long does shipping take?

Most orders ship within 3-5 business days. We print on demand, so each shirt is made fresh for your terrible sense of humor.