*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Chipotle Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For Chipotle tee is exactly what it sounds like, and Unethical Threads made it because someone had to. This is for the people who've reorganized their entire week around a burrito bowl. You know who you are.

Who actually wears this?

People who get genuinely emotional in the Chipotle line.

The ones who've tried every protein, have strong opinions about rice ratios, and would absolutely throw hands if someone cut in front of them at peak lunch hour. This shirt just says the quiet part loud.

• Heavyweight cotton that won't disintegrate after three washes like your last fast fashion impulse buy
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (the burrito bloat is accounted for)
• Classic crew neck
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid even after you inevitably spill salsa on it
• Pre-shrunk, because we know you're not reading care labels

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes, one of the easiest you'll ever buy.

If you know someone whose personality is 40% Chipotle, just add to cart and move on with your life. It's the kind of gift that gets worn immediately, not folded into a drawer out of obligation. Works for birthdays, holidays, or just because you saw it and thought of them (which says a lot about your friend group).

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. If you're between sizes, go with your usual. The fit is comfortable without being a tent.

Will the print fade or crack?

No. We use DTG printing, which means the ink is absorbed into the fabric instead of sitting on top. Colors stay locked in through every wash cycle.

Is this an officially licensed Chipotle product?

No. This is parody humor apparel from Unethical Threads. We are not affiliated with Chipotle.

What sizes do you carry?

S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit across the full size range.

Is the shirt pre-shrunk?

Yes. It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton, so it keeps its shape and size after washing.