*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For FREE Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For FREE tee is exactly what it sounds like, and no, we will not be providing further context. Unethical Threads made this one for people who think the quiet part out loud. Heavyweight cotton, sizes S to 4XL, printed to last.

Who actually wears this?

People who peaked in the group chat. If you're the friend everyone turns to when they need a text that's technically not a crime but probably should be, this is your uniform.

The Dropkick series is our most requested lineup, and this FREE edition exists because apparently people needed the world to know they wouldn't even charge for it. You asked, we delivered.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like an actual shirt, not a see-through situation from a gas station rack
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because poor life decisions come in all sizes
• Classic crew neck
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the text stays crisp and won't crack, peel, or abandon you
• Pre-shrunk. What you order is what shows up.

Is this a good gift?

It's a fantastic gift if you know your audience.

This is for the friend, sibling, or coworker who says the worst thing at every gathering and somehow everyone still loves them. Hand it over, watch them lose it. If you're worried the recipient won't find it funny, this one's probably not for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?
Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people go with their usual.

Will the print crack or fade after washing?
No. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.

Is there a kids' version?
No. And honestly, that question concerns us a little.

Do you ship discreetly?
Your package won't have "I Would Dropkick A Child" printed on the outside, if that's what you're asking. Plain mailer, no surprises for your mail carrier.

Can I return it if my family disowns me?
We accept returns within 30 days, unworn and unwashed. Family reconciliation is your problem.