*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Pasta Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For Pasta tee is exactly what it sounds like. Unethical Threads made this for people who treat carbohydrates like a religion and children like minor obstacles. Heavyweight cotton, real print quality, no excuses.

Who actually wears this?

Anyone who's ever looked at a plate of carbonara and briefly lost all moral footing.

This shirt lands hardest on the person who will absolutely derail a dinner to defend their pasta ranking. It's the kind of thing your group chat screenshots before anyone even adds it to cart. If you've ever whispered "I would commit crimes for good rigatoni" in a restaurant, you already know.

• Heavyweight cotton that can survive your sauce-stained lifestyle
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because pasta doesn't discriminate and neither do we
• Classic crew neck, nothing weird going on up top
• DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the colors don't bail after three washes
• Machine washable, though maybe skip the boiling water (save that for the penne)

Is this a good gift or just a threat?

Both, honestly.

If someone in your life has ever said something unhinged about pasta (and you know they have), this is the move. Birthday, white elephant, "I saw this and thought of you" energy. It's the gift that says "I know exactly who you are and I'm not sorry."

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. Unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, go with your usual and you'll be fine.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not a sticker slapped on top. The design holds up through regular washing.

Will this shrink in the wash?

Minimal shrinkage with basic care. Cold wash, tumble dry low. Don't boil it like linguine.

Can I wear this around children?

Technically yes. Whether you should is between you and your personal comfort with awkward parent eye contact.

Do you ship internationally?

Yes. We ship worldwide. Most orders land within 7 to 14 business days depending on your location.