*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Ranch Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For Ranch tee is an Unethical Threads original for anyone whose ranch dressing loyalty has crossed into unhinged territory. If you've ever looked someone in the eye and said "I need more ranch," this shirt already makes sense to you.

Who's actually buying this?

People who put ranch on everything and stopped apologizing for it years ago. The Dropkick series is for anyone with strong, possibly violent feelings about a single topic.

Your friend group has one of these people. You might be that person. Either way, this tee fits right in at cookouts, tailgates, or just a regular Tuesday where you're buying your third bottle of Hidden Valley this month.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels substantial (not that thin, see-through stuff)
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (ranch loyalty knows no size limit)
• Crew neck
• DTG print locks the color in, wash after wash
• Pairs surprisingly well with ranch stains

Is this actually a good gift?

Absolutely. If someone in your life has ever dipped pizza in ranch and dared you to say something about it, this is their shirt. It's funnier than a bottle of ranch with a bow on it and way more wearable. Skip the candle, skip the gift card. Get them the Dropkick A Child For Ranch tee and just watch.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.

Will the print fade after washing?

No. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink is embedded in the fabric. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and the print stays sharp.

Is this shirt actually about dropkicking children?

No. It's about ranch dressing. The child is hypothetical. The ranch is very real.

What's the material?

Heavyweight cotton with a solid, substantial feel. Not flimsy, not cardboard stiff.

Can I wear this to a family gathering?

You can wear it anywhere. Whether you should is between you and your family.