No Condom In My Wallet Because The Only Thing I'm Fucking Is Stupid Tee

The No Condom In My Wallet Because The Only Thing I'm Fucking Is Stupid Tee is Unethical Threads at peak self-destruction. A shirt that says everything about you in one sentence, and none of it is good. Heavyweight cotton, unisex S through 4XL, available in black or white.

Who actually wears this?

People who've accepted their own stupidity as a permanent condition. This isn't aspirational wear. It's a white flag you put on voluntarily, and then you go to the grocery store in it.

The kind of person who buys this shirt already knows the punchline applies to them personally. That's not a dealbreaker. That's the entire selling point.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (your poor decisions are size-inclusive)
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the graphic stays sharp and doesn't crack or peel
• Available in black or white

Is this actually a good gift?

Absolutely, for the right person. That person is your friend who does something idiotic at least once a week and owns it completely.

Not your coworker. Not your boss. Not someone you just started dating. This is a "we've been friends long enough that I can call you stupid with love" kind of purchase. If you have to wonder whether they'd laugh, they're not the right recipient.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable no matter your build.

Is this shirt good quality?

Heavyweight cotton with DTG printing. The graphic holds up and the fabric doesn't thin out over time.

Will this offend people?

The joke is entirely at the wearer's expense, so anyone offended is really reaching. But yes, someone will find a reason.

What colors is this available in?

Black or white. Pick whichever matches your current level of existential dread.

Does the print crack or fade?

DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. No cracking, no peeling. The self-own is permanent.