Pizza Doesn't Complain When I Finish In 2 Minutes Tee

The Pizza Doesn't Complain When I Finish In 2 Minutes tee is an Unethical Threads original for anyone who's made peace with the fact that pizza is their most supportive relationship. Available in black or white, heavyweight cotton, sizes S through 4XL.

Who actually wears this?

Anyone who's honest about their speed in at least one area of life.

If you've ever housed an entire pizza before the delivery driver made it back to the car, this shirt already belongs to you in spirit. It's the kind of self-deprecating humor that only works when you genuinely don't care anymore. And honestly, owning it is funnier than hiding it.

• Heavyweight cotton that can survive your couch, your barstool, and whatever sauce situation you inevitably create
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck (the formal neckline of inappropriate shirts)
• DTG print for color that actually sticks around, unlike most of your relationships
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gift?

It might be the best gift you've ever given.

This is the shirt for the friend who over-shares, the sibling who peaked in college, or anyone who's ever made a room uncomfortable on purpose. If they laugh at the title, hand it over. If they wince, hand it over faster.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everybody.

Is this shirt available in different colors?

Yes. It comes in black or white.

Will the print fade after washing?

No. The DTG printing locks the design in so it stays sharp.

Is this appropriate to wear in public?

Define appropriate. It's a shirt about pizza. If someone reads more into it, that says more about them than you.

What's the shirt made of?

Heavyweight cotton with a crew neck. Comfortable and durable.