Scissoring Hurts My Balls Tee (BACKPRINT)

The Scissoring Hurts My Balls tee is a back-print text shirt from Unethical Threads. Blank front, three bold lines across the back, and a grievance delivered with the energy of a man reporting a recurring knee problem. He's not joking, he's documenting.

Who actually wears this?

A man who considers this a medical fact, not a punchline. He puts the shirt on, walks into the bar, and lets the back do the talking while he faces forward like a completely normal person.

The front is blank, so he's unremarkable until he turns around and files his complaint over one shoulder to whoever happens to be standing there. He never has to see the reaction. That's the whole point.

• Heavyweight cotton that holds up to repeat washes and repeat offenses.
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Room for the whole man and his whole grievance.
• Crew neck. Classic. Not trying to reinvent anything here.
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the text stays bold and sharp through every wash cycle.
• Design is on the back only. The front is blank. Stealth mode until you walk away.

Is this a gift shirt?

One of the better adult gag gifts you can hand someone. Perfect for bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, and the friend whose sense of humor peaked at deeply inappropriate a decade ago and never came back down. Wrap it up, hand it over, and watch them unfold a grievance they didn't know they needed to file.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the text on the front or the back?
Back only. The front is completely blank. You look normal from the front, then you walk away and the shirt does the talking.

What sizes does this come in?
S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.

Will the print fade after washing?
No. It's DTG printed, so the ink is embedded in the fabric. Wash on cold, tumble dry low, and the text stays sharp.

Is this a good bachelor party shirt?
It was practically made for one. Also works for bachelorette parties, adult gift exchanges, and anyone who likes to leave a room better than they entered it.