Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee

The Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly as unhinged as it sounds. A rallying cry for anyone who believes world peace starts below the waist. If you need the joke explained, this one's not for you.

Who actually wears this?

People who make their friends choke on their drinks at brunch.

This shirt isn't for the person nervously scanning the room before they laugh. It's for the one who shows up, gets a standing ovation from the degenerates at the table, and becomes everyone's favorite person by dessert. The V2 refresh keeps the same chaotic energy with a cleaner design that somehow makes the whole thing even more confrontational.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, because cheek-spreading is for everybody
• Classic crew neck that sits right without strangling you
• DTG printed so the colors stay vivid long after your reputation doesn't
• Pre-shrunk fabric, because at least one thing in your life should be predictable

Will this offend someone?

Almost certainly.

That's the whole pitch. Spread Cheeks Not Hate is a philosophy, really. A lifestyle. You're not being crude, you're being inclusive. And if someone at the cookout disagrees, that's a them problem. Wear it to the grocery store, the gym, your nephew's soccer game. The shirt doesn't care about your comfort zone, and honestly, neither should you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee come in?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print crack or fade after washing?

No. The DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric, so it holds up without cracking or peeling.

Is this shirt actually comfortable or just funny?

Both. It's heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit, so it feels solid without being stiff or boxy.

Can I wear this in public?

You can wear it anywhere you want. Whether you should is between you and your personal risk tolerance.