Spread Cheeks Not Joy Tee

The Spread Cheeks Not Joy Tee from Unethical Threads is for people who never had a filter to begin with. Heavyweight cotton, unisex S-4XL, free shipping.

Who actually wears this?

People who gave up on first impressions a long time ago. You know the one in your friend group who says the quiet part out loud at every dinner? That's the target audience.

It's also wildly popular as a gift, mostly from people who want to watch the unboxing happen in real time.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually holds up, not that tissue-paper stuff
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck (keeping it civilized from the collarbone up)
• DTG printed, so the colors stay as loud as the message
• Free shipping on every order

Is this a good gift?

It's a perfect gift. If you know someone who reads this shirt and immediately thinks "that's me," you've found their present.

Works for birthdays, white elephants, or any occasion where a gift card would be an insult to your friendship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt shrink?

Minimal shrinkage. It's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it keeps its shape.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL. The fit is unisex and relaxed. Check the size chart on this page for exact measurements.

Will this get me in trouble at work?

That depends entirely on your workplace. We're not your HR department.

How long does shipping take?

Free shipping on all orders. You'll get tracking by email once it's on the way.

Is the print going to crack or peel?

No. DTG printing means the design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top. No cracking, no peeling, no fading.