Still No Ho's Sweatshirt

The Still No Ho's Sweatshirt is Unethical Threads' tribute to Santa's annual romantic failure. Same beard, same red suit, same results. It's a heavyweight Christmas sweatshirt for anyone who's spent another holiday season flying solo and decided to make it funny instead of sad.

Who Actually Wears This?

People whose best holiday flex is self-deprecating honesty.

Your single friend who sends the group chat "still no ho's" every December? This is their uniform. Works at ugly sweater parties, family dinners where your aunt won't stop asking about your love life, and solo couch Christmases with a whiskey. Honestly, it's funnier if it's true.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not tissue-paper-thin like your last situationship
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're keeping it simple
• DTG printed so the design is in the fabric, not peeling off after three washes like a screen print from 2014
• Pairs nicely with eggnog, questionable decisions, and a sense of humor about your love life

Is This a Good Christmas Gift?

It's the best gift for someone who'd laugh at it and the worst gift for someone who wouldn't.

If you have to wonder whether they'd be offended, they'd be offended. But for the friend who's single, knows it, and thinks it's hilarious? This is the move. You're not being mean. You're being seen. There's a difference.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does the Still No Ho's Sweatshirt shrink?

It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it stays true to size.

Is this sweatshirt actually warm?

Yes. Heavyweight cotton means it's thick enough for real cold, not just costume-grade holiday wear.

What sizes does the Still No Ho's Sweatshirt come in?

S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it.

Can I return it if someone gets offended?

You can return it per our return policy, but we can't return the look on their face.