Team Win K*ll Myself Tee

The Team Win K*ll Myself Tee from Unethical Threads says what every diehard fan is already thinking during a losing streak. "If My Team Doesn't Win I'll Kill Myself" printed on heavyweight cotton, because emotional stability and sports fandom have never coexisted.

Who actually wears this?

People who've put their entire emotional wellbeing in the hands of a franchise that hasn't won anything meaningful since before they were born.

Fantasy league degenerates. The friend in the group chat who posts 47 messages during a single quarter. The one who has to leave the room during a replay challenge. You already know if this is you, and you're not even a little bit sorry about it.

• Heavyweight cotton that can absorb tears, beer, and the crushing weight of another 4th quarter collapse
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (despair comes in all sizes)
• Crew neck, because you're unhinged, not a monster
• DTG printed for color that holds up longer than your team's playoff hopes
• Pre-shrunk so it still fits after stress eating through overtime

Is this actually about suicide?

No. It's about being so emotionally destroyed by a sports team that you say things you absolutely do not mean to a room full of people in matching jerseys. The humor is the absurdity of caring that much about grown adults chasing a ball. Everyone who's ever watched their team blow a 20-point lead understands this shirt on a spiritual level.

That said, this is purely satirical. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt promoting suicide?

No. This is satire about being an unreasonably passionate sports fan. The joke is the exaggeration. If you or someone you know needs help, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

What sizes does the Team Win K*ll Myself Tee come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.

Will the print fade after washing?

DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Turn it inside out and cold wash if you want to baby it, but it handles regular laundry just fine.

Can I wear this to a game?

That's literally the point. Wear it to the stadium, the sports bar, or your couch where you watch alone because your friends can't handle your energy.

Is this a good gift for a sports fan?

If they take their team's losses as a personal attack on their character, yes. Perfect gift.