Therapy Is Expensive Dick Is Free Tee

The Therapy Is Expensive Dick Is Free tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who's done the cost-benefit analysis on mental health and made a questionable pivot. Heavyweight cotton graphic tee available in black or white. Because sometimes the honest answer is the worst one.

Who actually wears this?

People who've accepted that their coping mechanisms are terrible and decided to lean all the way in.

Your chronically single friend. Your coworker who overshares at happy hour. The person in your group chat who responds to every crisis with a joke instead of, you know, processing it. This shirt is for the people who treat bad decisions like a personality trait and aren't particularly looking for a way out.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after three washes (looking at you, every cheap tee ever made)
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the graphic actually stays put, not that crackly iron-on nonsense from 2009
• Available in black or white, because commitment is hard

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes, if you know the person.

This isn't something you hand your coworker at a Secret Santa. It's for the friend who'd laugh, screenshot it, and send it to three group chats before they even open the box. If you have to wonder whether they'd find it funny, they won't. But if you already know, you already know.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit, so it runs slightly roomy. If you're between sizes, your usual size works.

What's the print quality like?

DTG (direct-to-garment) printing. The design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top of it. No cracking, no peeling.

Will this shirt shrink?

Minimal shrinkage with cold wash and low heat dry. Follow the care label and you're fine.

Can I wear this in public?

Legally, yes. Socially, that's between you and whatever situation you walk into.

What colors does this come in?

Black and white.