This Was My Only Shirt With No Cum On It Tee

The This Was My Only Shirt With No Cum On It Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. You've got one clean shirt. This is it. And now everyone within reading distance knows the bar you're working with.

Who actually wears this?

People who've accepted the situation and decided to lean into it. If you sort your laundry into "clean," "floor clean," and "absolutely not," this tee is your white flag.

It's honest. Disgusting, but honest. And that kind of self-awareness is rare enough that you might as well put it on a shirt.

• Heavyweight cotton that can take a beating (and apparently needs to)
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because at least something about you should be classic
• DTG printed so the design outlasts your dignity
• Machine washable, which feels especially relevant here

Does this actually work as a gift?

Yes, for exactly the right person. Best friend, college roommate, that one cousin who peaked in 2012.

If you have to wonder whether they'd be offended, they're not the right person. If you already know they'd wear this to Thanksgiving dinner, go ahead and hit add to cart.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone who's given up on decency.

Will this shrink in the wash?

It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it as many times as you need to. We're not judging.

Is the print going to crack or fade?

No. DTG printing bonds the ink directly to the fabric, so the design holds up wash after wash.

Can I return it if I change my mind?

Check our return policy on site. But once you've worn this out in public, do you really want to go back?

Is this appropriate for work?

That depends entirely on where you work. We're going to say probably not, but we've been surprised before.