We Dont Lick People Lies Adults Tell Kids Tee

The We Dont Lick People Lies Adults Tell Kids Tee from Unethical Threads is a front-print graphic tee that files one of childhood's most emphatic rules under "things grown-ups say that turn out to be situational." If you get it, you get it. If you don't, the shirt still works as a parenting joke.

Who actually wears this?

People who heard "we don't lick people" about ten thousand times growing up and have since learned that rule came with fine print.

It's a hit with parents who've said the exact words to their own kids while trying extremely hard to keep a straight face. Also popular in group chats where someone will screenshot this listing and tag three people with no further explanation.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after three washes. You're welcome.
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Room for everyone.
• Crew neck. Classic. Not reinventing anything here.
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the text stays crisp and doesn't crack or peel like a cheap iron-on from 2004.
• Front print only. The back is just a shirt. Sometimes restraint is the move.

Is this actually a good gift?

Unreasonably good.

This is the shirt you hand someone at a birthday party while making aggressive eye contact so they know you meant it. Works for White Elephant, works for "I saw this and immediately thought of you" energy, works for the friend who has cultivated a personality around saying the quiet part loud. Wrap it or don't. The reaction is the same either way.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does the shirt actually say?

"We Don't Lick People!" in large text with "Lies Adults Tell Kids" underneath, styled like a quote with an attribution line. Text-only front print, no graphics.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print fade or crack?

The design is DTG printed, which bonds the ink into the fabric. It holds up without cracking or peeling.

Is this appropriate to wear in public?

Nothing on the shirt is explicit. Whether your coworkers or in-laws appreciate the subtext is entirely between you and them.