What Does The CDC Recommend I Do With All This Ass Tee

The What Does The CDC Recommend I Do With All This Ass Tee is Unethical Threads' public-health parody for anyone carrying a federally notable amount of cake. Available in black or white. Heavyweight cotton. Zero shame included.

Who actually needs CDC guidance for this?

Anyone whose jeans have filed a formal grievance. If your situation has ever caused a traffic incident or required structural reinforcement, this shirt puts a name to it.

It takes the sterile, clipboard-carrying tone of a public health advisory and aims it squarely at your best asset. The kind of tee that says you reviewed the data, consulted the experts, and decided to do absolutely nothing about it. Pair it with confidence and whatever pants still fit.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real garment, not a suggestion of one
• Unisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL, because the subject matter demands range
• Crew neck, classic cut, nothing weird
• DTG printed so the design survives laundry day and the group chat screenshot
• Available in black or white. Both equally committed to the bit.

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes, if you know the person well enough to reference their body in public.

This is not a polite "happy birthday" gesture. This is an "I saw this and immediately thought of your ass" move, which is either peak friendship or an HR complaint. Read the room.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt CDC-approved?

No. But your situation may warrant its own task force, and this tee is the first step toward public awareness.

What sizes does the CDC Ass Tee come in?

Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. Plenty of room for the subject matter.

Will the print fade after washing?

The DTG print holds up. Follow the care instructions and it stays sharp.

Does this come in different colors?

Black or white. Pick whichever matches your energy.

Will this offend someone?

Probably. But the people it offends weren't going to be fun at the cookout anyway.